Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
