no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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