I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
