We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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