dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
