I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
