I think I won the penis lottery.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
