I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
