Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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