Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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