My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
