I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My hand turned me down
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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