I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
