he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
