before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
