Do vagina's smell?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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