Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Randomize
