So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
