I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
