It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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