we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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