smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
