Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
