Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
