Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
