She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
