if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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