He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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