I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
