I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
