ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
