You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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