Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
