I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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