Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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