Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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