u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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