I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
