therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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