fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
