If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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