we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
