How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
