I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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