And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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