Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
