arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
