the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
