I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
