I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
